The Microwave - Can't Spell "Overrated Chumps" without O-S-U

Remember when Monday Night Football started doing the "self-intro" starting lineups several years back? "Peyton Manning, Tennessee." "LaDainian Tomlinson, TCU." "Lawrence Phillips, California State Penitentiary." And so on...? It also led to this:

"Ted Ginn, Jr, THE Ohio State University."

"Antoine Winfield, THE Ohio State University"

"A.J. Hawk, THE Ohio State University"

Seriously, the only thing more more annoying than that was the guys from Miami: "Andre Johnson, The U." But the difference between "The U" and "THE Ohio State University" is that when Miami was atop the college football world, both in the 80's-early 90's, and their late '90's-early 00's resurgence... the Hurricanes actually won big games. Often. Which brings us to last night.

After Ohio State's crushing home loss to USC, in which OSU blew a late 4th quarter lead by allowing a freshman quarterback to go 95 YARDS on Southern Cal's last drive of the game, the Buckeyes wake up today on the wrong side of the box score yet again. ESPN color analyst, and OSU grad, Kirk Herbstreit made the comment last night after the game to the effect of "you have to credit Ohio State for proving it can play and be competitive against a quality opponent like USC."

Oh really now? I have to give OSU credit because they're a top 10 team that hung with a superior opponent? The Buckeyes are top 10 and shoved down our throats every year. But I have to give them credit now? Let's look at their track record since their alleged National Title in 2002. We'll go in reverse chronological order:

2009: #3 USC at #8 OSU (18-15 LOSS) *Blew lead in final 2 minutes

2008: #10 OSU vs. #3 Texas (24-21 LOSS) *Fiesta Bowl, blew lead in final 2 minutes

2008: #3 Penn State at #9 OSU (13-6 LOSS) *Blew lead in final 7 minutes

2008: #5 OSU at #1 USC (35-3 LOSS) *One of the biggest locks in gambling history

2007: #1 OSU vs. #2 LSU (38-24 LOSS) *BCS Title Game, gave up 31 straight points after taking 10-0 lead

2006: #1 OSU vs. #2 Florida (41-14 LOSS) *BCS Title Game, outscored 41-7 after opening kick return TD

2006: #2 Michigan vs. #1 OSU (42-39 WIN) *Michigan, after playing nobody all year to achieve their lofty ranking, promptly got whipped by USC in the Rose Bowl

2006: #1 OSU at #2 Texas (24-7 WIN) *Colt McCoy was a freshman, and this Texas team was so awesome that it went on to win the Alamo Bowl

2005: #4 OSU vs. #5 Notre Dame (34-20 WIN) *Fiesta Bowl, this was the Irish team that was overhyped due to their hard fought home loss against USC, which they proceeded to give up the entire field in about 3.7 seconds in the final minute of the game

2005: #6 OSU at #16 Penn State (17-10 LOSS) *Everyone pretty much had this game pegged as the Big Ten game of the year, prime time in Happy Valley... and OSU can't get the job done... again

2005: #2 Texas at #4 OSU (25-22 LOSS) *Blew lead in final 3 minutes, featuring a fumble AND Troy Smith getting sacked in the end zone on two separate plays in the Buckeyes' comeback effort AFTER blowing said lead

2004: #22 Ohio State vs. (NR) Oklahoma State (33-7 WIN) *Alamo Bowl, what the hell is OSU doing in the Alamo Bowl? I know, I thought the same thing. But keep reading...

2004: #6 OSU at (NR) Northwestern (33-27 OT LOSS)

2004: #15 Wisconsin at #16 OSU (24-13 LOSS)

2004: (NR) OSU at (NR) Iowa (33-7 LOSS) *That's why, With losses in successive weeks, OSU starts Big Ten 0-3, would go on to lose to Purdue, as well. This season's obviously a write-off. ANY team who loses to Northwestern should be written off.

2003: #6 OSU vs. #10 Kansas State (35-28 WIN) *Fiesta Bowl, this was the goofy year where K-State beat Oklahoma in the Big XII title game, and OU still got to play for the BCS Title. Of the few wins I've listed here, this is, at worst, the second best of the bunch

2003: #6 OSU at #4 Michigan (35-21 LOSS) *A win would've put the Buckeyes in the BCS Title Game, but instead, they lose to the John Navarre-led Wolverines. I'm sure a talent like Navarre went on to a huge NFL career.

I'm supposed to "give credit" to that? No wonder we're in a recession.

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The View From Down Here - This is the Year?

On the eve of the second Cubs/Cardinals series (this time at Busch Stadium) I thought I would take a cue from Solly, and give my take on the state of the Cubs as well as the NL Central in general.


First of all, let’s take a look at the NL Central standings 16 games in:

You’re reading that right.  Cincinnati and Pittsburgh are ahead of the Cubs.  I never doubted that St. Louis would be up there.  They always find a way to stay competitive.  As much as I hate Tony LaRussa, you have to give him credit for that.  But the Reds and the Pirates?  I realize it’s early, but no one thought things would be taking shape like this.


To say the Cubs offense is sputtering would be an understatement.  For the most part, they have looked lethargic and uninspired so far.  They are getting on base, but they are being stranded out there.  This is a team that had a +184 run differential last year.  So far into this season, they have a +6.  And that’s with adding Milton Bradley.


OK, that last part isn’t entirely true.  They have sort of added Milton Bradley.  “The Game” (he of the three year, $30 million contract) has played in all of 9 games while nursing a groin injury.  And in those 9 games, he’s barey batting above my 4 year old daughter’s weight (.043).  And what does last year’s AL leader in on-base percentage bring to the Cubs so far?  A “stellar” .267 OBP.  To put that into perspective, he’s just barley above Barry Zito.  Let that sink in for a second.  Barry Zito.  A pitcher.  A pitcher that spent most of his career on an AL team.  A pitcher with a career .103 OBP is barely below Milton Bradley.  This is all coming from a guy who said this at the beginning of the season, “I’m on a personal mission to win a championship. The Cubs have been in a long drought. Hopefully, we can help each other.” Well,  he better step it up, or it won’t just be the boos of the fans Bradley will have to worry about.


In his defense, though, he’s not the only one scuffling.  Last year’s NL Rookie of the Year, Geovany Soto, is batting a paltry .103 with 3 total bases in 29 at bats.  You read that right.  THREE total bases.  Derrek Lee, a Triple Crown contender just a few seasons ago, is batting just .207 and 1 home run.  Mike “Little Lord” Fontenot, or “The Player Mark DeRosa was Traded for to Give him More Playing Time” is barely above the Mendoza Line at .209 as well.  These three need to start producing or the Cubs could be in big trouble.


There are some bright spots, however.  Alfonso Soriano is tied for the league lead in home runs and has, get this, a .407 OBP.  He’s actually taking walks this season….sometimes 2 or 3 a game.  He finally has the numbers of a true leadoff hitter.  Plus, the power numbers don’t hurt.


Micah Hoffpauir may be proving that last year was no fluke.  He’s currently batting .350 (.364 OBP) with a HR and 5 RBI in limited playing time, filling in for Milton Bradley.  If he continues to hit (and that’s a big IF, considering he is pushing 30 and is a career minor leaguer), I would definitely consider moving DLee to a contender needing a 1B, for a top notch prospect.  It could really help stock a depleted farm system.  It could also help with a trade deadline deal later in the season.  Then, next year, you move ARam over to 1B and open up 3B for the Cubs stud prospect, Josh Vitters.  But that’s a story for another blog…..


Koskue Fukudome, “Mr. April”, looks like he could be having a bounce back year.  He’s currently batting .347 with a .476 OBP.  He is also tied with Aramis Ramirez for second on the team with 3 HR.  His 10 RBI is second, just behind Ramirez’s 14.  Of course, he looked just as good at the beginning of last season.  The fact that he made adjustments this season, even after the pitchers started pitching to him differently, does bode well, however.


Speaking of Aramis Ramirez, he continues to be “Mr. Clutch”.  He’s batting .353 with 3 HR and 14 RBI.  So far this season, with runners on, he’s batting 1.000 with a 1.000 SLG.  Not to mention, he’s absolutely killing the ball with the bases loaded, slugging 1.333.  He even comes through in what are normally considered “pressure situations”:

Personally, I think the jury is still out on Hoffpauir, Fontenot, and (to an extent) Soto.  The good news is that Bradley and Lee have a decent history to suggest that they will bounce back.  In the meantime, however, “Sweet” Lou needs to do something to light a fire under this team, or it’s going to be a long season, stuck behind Pittsburgh and Cincinnati.

Oh, and I’ll be gone this weekend with the wife, so if any of you have my cell number and want to send me text updates on the games, it would really be appreciated…..by me anyway.

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Sollywood - The New Yuck Mess

Well I didn’t think it would take 13 games to spawn my first Mets rant but it’s Mikey’s birthday so this is my present to him.


The 6-7 record means nothing to me, it’s the fact I’ve seen this act 3 years in a row now. The offense scores early, has the other pitcher on the ropes, and doesn’t do anything the rest of the game.  There has been a lack of intensity, a lack of fundamentals, and a lack of any kind of a sense of urgency really since Game 7 of the NLCS. Last night I saw all of the ingredients in St. Louis, complete with Benny Hill music in the background (thanks Moose).


OFFENSE:


The Mets put up 4 early runs but still couldn’t land that knockout punch and were absolutely atrocious on the basepaths. Murphy was picked off 1B and thrown out at the plate but the best was saved for last when Beltran pulled a Jeremy Giambi in the 8th inning as he tried to score standing up, even though the fucking ball was right in front of him and he knew it would be close. What happened in fundamentals? One of the first things you learn in little league is slide if it’s close. But no, the pretty boy can’t slide because he must have had a tube of Vagisil in his back pocket and/or he doesn’t want to hurt the catcher, his buddy Molina. I hate that shit. If there’s a play at the plate, you need to knock that catcher into the fucking dugout. What a fucking joke.


PITCHING:


Oliver Perez is a cunt. A team gives him a 4-0 lead and he couldn’t hold it, to the point where he went all Kenny Rogers on The Great Khalil, he of the mighty .290 OBP. How the FUCK do you walk him of all people with the bases loaded and two outs? $36M for a guy who’s afraid to challenge hitters, for a guy who has no balls to pitch through tough spots? He’s completely worthless and I wish Omar would have given Lowe that 4th year. Sure he might be a decade older than Perez but has there ever been a more underrated big game pitcher than Lowe? Really though, Perez reminds me of one of those old school Mexican banditos or something. He just needs the evil mustache and he’ll have it down-pat, since he already perfected the stealing money part.


DEFENSE:


Murphy just isn’t cut out for the OF. That’s two horrific errors in the span of 13 games and the worst part is Manuel’s quote after last night’s disaster: “We’ll get to a point to where he’ll almost be average.” Are you kidding me? This is what a $140M payroll gets these days? A LF aspiring to be mediocre? If they were willing to live with horrible LF defense, why not open the wallet to get Manny in the off season? At least he makes up for it with his bat… which brings me to my last point.


PHILOSOPHY:


All winter long, I heard about how these Mets were going to stress a team-first attitude and the value of fundamentals… and then they sign Sheffield. League minimum or not, if you’re going to take on someone with baggage, how about someone who isn’t 40 and who has actually played the field since 2005? You moved into a new stadium, you still could have bumped up the payroll and signed Manny for two years while staying under the luxury tax. I applaud Omar for the new bullpen but there was still work to do, at the very least getting another thumper in that lineup or someone to take the pressure off Wright. The Nats got Dunn for a steal, Omar couldn’t at least have kicked the tires?


I’m just flabbergasted that the same group of players who endured Game 7, the 2007 collapse, and the 2008 choke, are content with this kind of play. I’m not saying treat April like October but this team, more than any other, should know that every game makes a difference and a loss in April is the same as one in September.

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The View From Down Here - Take Me Out to a Ballgame....Just not on a Thursday Night

As most of you know, I currently live in Asheville, NC, home of the Asheville Tourists – presently, the Colorado Rockies Class A affiliate. What some of you may not know is that one of the things the Tourists are famous for is for creating a staple used at almost all minor league ballparks across America….Thirsty Thursday.

Thirsty Thursday is essentially a cheap beer night, so it really just equates to a bunch of college kids going out to the game to get drunk. But, I decided to suck it up for you, my loyal readers (all 11 of you – it was 10, but I’ve started reading the blog to my baby boy) and head out to good ol’ McCormick Field (made famous in the final scene of Bull Durham when Crash Davis hit his record breaking home run) for the game last night. Let me just say this, as a baseball fan, I hate going to those games on Thursday nights. A few observations:

• I really can’t stand going to a game where 80% of the people there care nothing about the game. Last night was nothing more than a place for the college kids to get drunk and be seen. (And, yes, as a Cub fan, I’ve heard that misconception about Wrigley Field, but I can tell you with absolute certainty this is not true.) You had your yuppie guys in their J.Crew and Abercrombie outfits, girls in their skirts and high heels with perfect makeup, and your salesmen making phone calls all night.
• What’s even worse than the people who go and don’t care about the game, are the people that know nothing about the game, yet try to seem like they do. Here’s the situation: Greensboro runner on 2B, Tourists up by 10 runs. The batter hits a looper to CF. The CF picks up the ball and throws to 2B. The fans started booing and heckling the CF for not trying to get the out at home. Now, I realize that there are several subtle nuances to baseball that not everyone will get, but it should be common knowledge that when you have a lead of that size, you don’t worry about that runner scoring. You get the ball to 2B, so the other runner doesn’t advance into scoring position as well. Maybe I’m wrong that most people should know this. I don’t know. It was the same way with a runner on 3B and a shallow fly was hit to LF. They heckled the 3B coach for not sending the runner.
• I think this is probably just the parent in me rearing it’s ugly head, because I don’t think I would have complained about this four years ago. One of the other reasons I dislike Thursday games is the language used by the drunk so-called fans in attendance. I admit that I sometimes curse like a sailor. I do not, however, do it around my kids or other kids. The ballpark, especially the minor league ones are supposed to be family friendly. I don’t want to take my kids and have them hear a bunch of idiots cursing out the ballplayers.
• Random quote I can’t believe I overheard: This was coming from another one of the “fans” sitting behind us, talking to a friend, “We like coming to these games because there are more points scored in the minor leagues. It’s like Little League. The worse the players are, the more points are scored.” Uh…what?

All the complaining aside, minor league baseball really is a great game to watch.  You can actually see players busting their tails on every play, because they want to make it to the next level.  Guys run out every play, because they know anything can happen.  They aren’t jogging down to 1B on a pop-fly, because they know if the OF drops the ball, they can get an extra base if they hustle.  It’s refreshing after watching some of the overpaid MLB players lollygag down to 1B on a slow roller up the line, even though they might have beat it out.  And for the price of admission ($7 – even cheaper than a movie now), you can’t beat it.  Now that Anna and Ryan are starting to watch more baseball with me on TV (Ryan even gets upset at the end of the inning when the commercials come on) I definitely plan to take them to more games this summer.

Just not on Thursdays.

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The Microwave - Braves/Phils Opening Night

Pregame: Philly gets to celebrate its defending World Series champs while I wonder what Chan Ho Park has to do with any of it. Joe Morgan looks the same as he did in 1990, so says Jon Miller. Good to know the Apollo Creed mustache is still going strong 20 years later. Steve Phillips joins the broadcast this season, as apparently ESPN needed to fill its skirt chasing quota. If it were any other duo, this move would probably be subtraction by addition, but since it’s Miller and Morgan, it’s a lateral move at worst. The Phils walk to the field thru the crowd like the NWO or something, while starting pitcher Brett Myers just comes out of the bullpen. My guess is that’s a term of his probation. Speaking of wife beating, Bobby Cox is back for a 613th consecutive season on the bench for Atlanta.


Top 1: Myers gets the start tonight because Cole Hamels is a pussy. Harry Doyle once said that the first at bat of the season would set the stage for the entire year. Kelly Johnson flies out, so apparently nothing’s changed from last year. Larry Jones gets booed and rightfully so, but slaps a 3-2 pitch to left for a single to extend the inning. McCann’s batting cleanup? It’s come to that for the Braves? Wait… never mind. Mac just hit it to the moon, putting it in the second deck in right for a quick 2-0 lead!! Now’s as good time as any to comment on the Braves navy blue unis, which suck, and the all blue batting helmets, which are blah. 116 year old Garret Anderson hits one a mile, but foul, before grounding out.


Bot 1: Time for the Atlanta debut for Derek Lowe – hopefully the Face is long gone. He looks like someone, but I have no idea who. I’ve always liked Lowe and like him with the Braves. Not sure he’s an ace though. Rollins 3-unassisted. Werth has trimmed back the hair and no longer looks like Edge. Joe and Steve talk about the Mets collapse… last year’s edition, not the ones from ’06 and ’07. Morgan praises Braves’ rookie Jordan Schafer, who is likely the next Brave I despise, given his attitude problems in the minors coming up thru the system. Hey, I thought Utley was out thru like June. Utley crushes one deep right, but Frenchy runs it down on the track.


Top 2: Before I can get back to my seat, Frenchy swings at the first pitch (no shock there) and lines it directly into the left field seats!! Holy shit!! It’s 3-0 and the boo birds are out for Myers. Glad to see a title hasn’t changed anything for the moron Philly fans. It appears Frenchy has ditched the evil Frenchy chin strap beard in favor of a light goatee. I like it. Casey Kotchman – the big return in the Teixiera trade – strikes out, and Schafer’s up in his major league debut. I dropped this fool in my fantasy league in favor of Milwaukee’s Mat Gamel, so what does Schafer do? HOMERS TO DEAD CENTER!! Who needs to go to jail for domestic violence when you got 50,000 drunk Philly fans ready to pound your ass? Huge Bronx cheer when Myers gets out of the inning.


Bot 2: Lowe vs. Howard to lead off. $20 says Howard strikes out – and he does!! No worries, he’ll drill a homer off Wickman in the 9th to win the game. I know better. Prized free agent pickup Raul Ibanez grounds out. And hey, let’s check on the WOMEN’S FINAL FOUR!! Speaking of women, Victorino grounds out and that’s a 1-2-3 inning with ease.


Top 3: Myers is back out, so I guess he hasn’t been drawn and quartered in the streets yet. Yet. And then Escobar DRILLS one to deep left center and the fans are booing even before it stays in the park for a double. LOVE the Phils fan who’s already so cynical about the season that he’s arguing that he touched the ball and that it should be a home run. IT’S SIX OUTS INTO THE SEASON!! Phillips rambles about all the pitches Larry can hit, to which Morgan counters with a 22 second rant about “fastball in” being the only one he can’t hit. Larry proves Morgan wrong by whiffing at a breaking ball instead. Mac fouls out, and Anderson grounds out to strand Escobar.


Bot 3: Happy peter leads off the 3rd and flies out harmlessly to shallow center. Is it just me or is Miller balder this year than last? Frenchy muffs a foul ball in right while Joe calls him “Fran-CHUR.” Ya gotta think that Ruiz gets on given the free out, and of course he does, ripping one inside the 3rd base line. More fan interference this time, and it’s a double. Myers works the count and grounds out on the first pitch. Ya gotta love PAUL MAHOLM getting an opening day start in the big leagues. Nothing says “we’re committed to winning” like putting Paul Maholm on the hill for opening day, and not due to an injury. Way to go, Pittsburgh. Rollins does NOTHING and that’s that.


Top 4: It’s refreshing to see Citizens Bank Park when there’s not a monsoon over it. Frenchy leads off the inning and TAKES FIVE PITCHES IN A ROW! He celebrates this watershed moment by lining out to Rollins. The crew praises Frenchy for adjusting his stance this year, going to an open stance (not entirely Terry Pendleton style, but getting there) which I approve of. An underrated detrimental effect of trading Teixiera: not as much cup adjustment between pitches this season. I miss that already. With that second inning bomb, Schafer joins Elijah Dukes in the “Baseball Players to be in Jail Someday” club. Check that, in the “MLB’ers Who Homered in their First AB” club. Schafer gets on anyway, but Lowe flies out to end the inning.


Bot 4: Schafer looks like a complete tool with his unshaped cap. Why don’t ya just turn it sideways and wear it like B.J. Upton? Larry with a lazy one hop throw that beats Werth at first. Breaking News!! Louisville beats Oklahoma!! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF ESPN! Kotchman with a good diving stop and gets Utley. Howard grounds out, apparently having left his talent at Dick’s Sporting Goods.


Top 5: Philly pitching coach says Myers is fine. Sure, he’s only been rocked for three homers and had a half dozen other balls smoked, but he’s fine. So what happens then? Larry crushes one for a groundrule double. Joe says Chipper is “picking up where he left off,” which is code for “will be on the DL within two weeks.” As I’m losing interest in the game, Myers gets out of trouble.


Bot 5: Phillips finally speaks for the first time in two innings, having presumably returned from the bathroom after some bad cheesesteak, and mentions that Cholly says that Victorino isn’t a good bunt guy or a good hit and run guy and that he just wants Victorino to swing the bat. On cue, he strikes out. The game is officially boring at this point, but when it’s your pitcher getting 1-2-3 innings, boring is a good thing.


Top 6: Anderson gets a fluky infield hit off Myers’ glove to lead off. Back to back infield grounders move Anderson to third. “Logan Schafer” comes to the plate, as Jon Miller channels his inner Jim Ross. Seriously, dude homers his first career AB on opening night, singles his next AB, Joe Morgan’s gushing over him, and you can’t get his fucking name right?? Schafer gets on base three straight, this one with an intentional walk to set up Lowe. Lowe, unlike Myers earlier, works the count, but watches strike three go by. “Likely Myers’ last pitch.” Of the night, sure. Unfortunately, not for his career.


Bot 6: They keep talking about the “official” first Sunday Night Baseball of the year coming NEXT week. How isn’t this “official?” It’s not like anyone gives a shit anyway. Greg Dobbs pinch hits for Myers and it’s mentioned that Dobbs also homered in his first MLB at bat. Can you guess who it came off of? I’ll give you three guesses, but you’ll only need one. Joe says Cholly doesn’t manage X’s and O’s, which is too bad, considering Andy Reid could use some help next door. Besides, do you really manage “X’s and O’s” in baseball? Unless you’re Jerry Manuel or Earl Weaver, respectively. Rollins gets on with two outs, but Lowe catches a liner back at him from Werth and that’s that.


Top 7: Two down in a hurry, and Larry’s back to the plate. Morgan talks for FIFTY FOUR SECONDS without coming up for air about talking to Hank Aaron and getting old and learning to hit and repeats himself about 5 times in all. Larry makes like he’s at a Hooters and has a seat.


Bot 7: Middle of the order here in what may be Philly’s last good chance. And Lowe gives me NO material to work with, retiring Utley, Howard, and Ibanez in quick fashion. Man, that Philly 3-4-5 is SCARY… if you’re a Phils fan.


Top 8: I’m officially not paying any attention anymore. Durbin is on to strike out, er, face Frenchy with two outs. And hey, look at that!! No, not that Frenchy struck out, but that he struck out LOOKING! Someone call a press conference. This from the same dude who would swing at a pick off attempt to first base. Despite the result of the at bat, this is promising.


Bot 8: Eight pitches, three outs. Need I say more?


Top 9: Why the hell is Lidge in the game? He retires two quickly and they pinch hit for Lidge as the dramatic horror movie score begins to play from the Atlanta bullpen. Lowe’s given up two hits over eight innings, just threw eight pitches to sit three guys and you’re not letting him finish it? Are you kidding me?? He’s in complete control out there!!


Bot 9: The surgically repaired Mike Gonzalez is on to close things out is this non-save situation. I trust this guy more than any arm that’s been in that bullpen since 2002 John Smoltz – which isn’t exactly saying much. Bruntlett pinch hits to lead off and doubles on the 4th pitch. Oh boy… Rollins with a sac fly to right, and Frenchy can’t gun Bruntlett down at third. Werth singles to left to break up the shutout as I’m ready to start throwing things in a minute. Peter Moylan and AA’s Favorite Relief Pitcher are warming up in the pen, which is the equivalent of choosing between Solly and Moose to pinch run for Sid Bream. Utley walks on five pitches and Howard steps in as the tying run. Jesus Christ… Maybe he’ll go 6-5-3 on the shift. Smart money says he ties the game here. But I am happily wrong! Carlos Howard looks at strike three and we got two down! Philly’s last chance rides on star free agent all-star future hall of famer acquisition Ibanez. Philly might as well pack it in. Ibanez works it full… but STRIKES OUT SWINGING! The Braves sweat out a 4-1 victory on opening night, yet I have NO IDEA why Lowe didn’t close it out.


No witty post game from me considering I didn’t finish watching the game til Thursday and I have no interest in listening to Morgan and Phillips talk about nothing.

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