Sacrifice Recap May 13, 2012
Sacrifice is filmed before a jam packed aren...nope, still the iMPACT Zone.
Hey Fuckers!
It’s the network’s only TNA fan here with YOUR Sacrifice RECAP!!, Now, cue MY music!
-We open backstage where Earl Hebner goes in to the locker room of Ravishing Bobby Roode to collect his belt so that it can be suspended above the ring three hours from now. Bobby is not pleased about this situation. No he isn’t, not one bit.
-Video package shows a bunch of wrestlers doing their warm ups. I wonder what matches we’re going to have tonight. You’d think this would be a good time to say so, but nope, I guess it’s going to be a surprise.
-Lets get to some rasslin, shall we?
-In the ring, the World Tag Team Titles are on the line when Evil Foreigners Mangus and Samoan Joe take on 2/3rds of the KKK, Kazarian and Kristopher Daniels. Quite a long match here. It suffered from a shitty iMPACT audience who sat on their hands for most of the fight.
It was full of awkward timing issues and just felt really rough. The fact that stiff spots were landing all over the place made this match watchable however. The ending came when Joe was recovering on the outside and Kaz and Kris were able to double team Magnus if you know
what I mean. Anyway, challengers win so Kaz and Kris are YOUR NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! This was definitely the match of the night so far. 5 stars because making the faces chase always makes the booking better.
-A video package shows some scantily clad hooker dancing on a beach. It then shows her in the iMPACT Zone pinning the Knockouts Champ. Hey wait a minute, that’s no hooker, that’s Brook Tessmacher. Does that mean we get a Knockouts title fight? The slow pan on Christy Hemme can only mean one thing. It’s Knockouts World Title Match Time!! Knockouts Champ Gail Kim takes on challenger Big Brooke Tessmacher. I guess in honor of the Avengers movie, Brooke is dressed like a slutty Captain America. The match had lots of fast paced action to start, with the B-Train trying a few times unsuccessfully to steal Gail’s finisher. At one point Gail gets dumped to the outside and manages to land on her feet like some sort of ninja. Brooker T controls most of the action in this one, successfully landing both of her own moves
a number of times. She finally manages to land Gail’s finisher and gets rolled up and pinned for her trouble. Gail manages to sneak her feet on to the ropes for extra leverage. Big surprise there. Champ retains. This match was amazing. Be-Tizzle must have had to adjust her boobs at least twenty times. Woman’s Match of the Night for sure. 5 stars for poor wardrobe choices.
-Backstage Jeremy Borash interviews the new tag team champs but I didn’t bother to pay attention and you probably don’t care anyway.
-In the ring, It’s Television Championship Time! The Jersey Shore take on Reverend Brother Devon in a 3 Way (but not the good kind). As the combatants make their entrances, I am left to wonder how the powers that be in TNA know if anyone is actually over because everyone seems to get the same reaction from the crowd no matter how asinine their gimmick might be. This was your typical little guy versus slightly bigger guy versus slightly bigger guy match. The two Robbies obviously work together for most of the match till they suffer from an attack of “dissention in the ranks” which I think you can get from eating a bad umm, calzone? Is that Italian? Anyway, while the two are squabbling, Devon schoolboys the bigger Robbie for the pin and the smaller Robbie doesn’t do anything about it. Champ Retains. Thankfully this means we’ll get at least another month of RBD vs Jersey Shore matches. Fuuhgitabuutit! (Worst) Match of the Night. 5 Stars for I’m pretty sure this feud would play on a loop in hell.
-A 10 minute long video package reminds us that Ed Hardy and Mr Kenderson are feuding because there was nothing better for them to be doing. Well, at least they didn’t force them to be a tag team for more than a week. So I guess there’s that...
-In the ring Mr Kenderson takes on Ed Hardy in a “Doin it for the paycheque” Match. Hardy hugs and flashes his way to the ring like he’s on Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale. It’s a fairly textbook face vs drunk face match here. There was lots of battling on the outside which lead me to notice that the crowd around ringside looks like they made a lot of sacrifices to be here. Sacrifices like getting a decent education, accessing adequate dentistry, or showering. Taz at one point seems to criticize Kenderson for not using any sort of ring psychology but makes sure he tells us that he thinks that this is a solid and effective strategy. You can almost hear the director giving him shit in his earpiece. Out of nowhere, for no reason whatsoever, Earl Hebner decides to pull a Montreal Screwjob ending, counting three when Hardy clearly kicked out. Kenderson seems as confused by it as the rest of us. If this match actually mattered in any way, I might actually give a shit. But it doesn’t and I don’t. Until that point however, the match was as amazing as you’d expect. Probably the match of the night. 5 stars for callbacks.
-Backstage, Christy Hemme asks Triple A Austin Aries if he is intimidated by Bully Ray. He says that the short answer is no and then proceedes to spend 15 minutes explaining why. I’d hate to see what the long answer was.
-Joseph Park is in the audience and a “Joseph” chant actually get’s going. He’s upset that he didn’t actually get to see his brother Chris, you know, “Abyss” return last week, but he wouldn’t be surprised to see Abyss show up tonight since they’re the same person and everything...
-It’s Final Final Confrontation time, except this time there is a twist! Crimson comes out to the ring and reminds us that he’s still undefeated so he issued an open challenge to the guys in the back but everyone thinks he’s a douche so no one accepted. He get’s Brian Hebner to ring the bell and start counting. Before he completes the count, Knockouts tag champs EY and ODB come out and argue a bit about who should fight him. Finally cooler heads prevail and Eric Young gets the chance. Some fun spots in this one including EY doing a handstand enziguri. EY gets dominated throughout this one until Crimson decides to go after ODB. An enraged EY mounts a comeback and even hits a massive Savage top rope elbow before Crimson hits the Red Sky out of nowhere for the win. The undefeated streak is maintained and we have your match of the night! 5 Stars for finally letting EY let the pigeons loose!
-Backstage Jeremy Borash is interviewing Bully Ray about his match tonight with Triple A Austin Aries. He says he’s going to win because he is a veteran of every kind of war you can think of except actual war. Oh yeah, and Aries is a puny midget that doesn’t stand a chance.
-Who’s going to win? Let’s find out! Playboy Bully Ray takes on Triple A Austin Aries in a “Who’s the Bigger Bully” match. Textbook small man vs big man action here with Aries relying on momentum and speed before Bully remembers that he’s giant compared to Aries. Once he does he starts hitting power moves. At one point Aries goes for a top rope move and Ray kicks him in the head, knocking him to the outside. The crowd gives a holy shit chant even tho Aries more or less landed on his feet. I wonder what match they are watching. The two get really stiff with each other and exchange open hand slaps to the chest that actually draw blood on Aries. Bully goes for the steel chain and gets distracted by Joseph Park. This allows Aries to hit a string of offense that culminates with a brainbuster that only gets two. He then manages to slip out of some Bully offense and lock in the “Lastchancery” and Bubba is forced to tap. This was an incredibly hard-fought and highly entertaining match. It had just the right amount of outside interference and the right person won. All these factors add up to your Match of the Night! 5 Stars for Aries proving he can move beyond the X Division.
-We recap the AJ Styles/Kurt Angle storyline and remind us that 2/3’s of the KKK have pictures of Styles making out with the Boss. Backstage Borash decides to ask AJ about the photos. He says he doesn’t care about pictures. He cares about wrestling Kurt Angle. He does a good job of no-selling a month and a half of storyline and I could not be happier.
-Kurt Angle and AJ Styles match up in what Tenay and Taz call “A Purists Dream Match” and they’re right, since this is 2003. This match is pretty much exactly what you’d expect except slower since both are so old now. At one point Kurt even busts out the top rope moonsault for old time sake. And just like in the good old days, he misses by a mile. AJ counters with what I guess was supposed to be a springboard 450 splash but he only got 3/4ths of the way around and slammed, ass first in to Kurt’s chest. I bet that smarted. The other 2/3rds of the KKK come out to distract AJ. He gets hit with an Angle Slam for his trouble which he kicks out of before getting caught right away in an Angle Lock, because Kurt is obsessed with making him tap. Kaz and Kristopher try to go after AJ but Kurt chases them off in a show of mutual respect. This really was an outstanding match that really just makes me wish it had happened in their prime. Match of the Night. 5 Stars for realz yo!
- Since Slamiversary is coming soon, we get a video package of Kurt Angle not putting people over.
- Finally, it’s MAIN EVENT LADDER MATCH TIME!! According to TNA’s deeply scientific facebook poll, 76 percent of people think that BVD will win the World Championship tonight. Which just proves how right Ric Flair was the other week when he asserted that fans are idiots.
Ravishing Bobby Roode meets with Jeremy Borash backstage and tells all you fat ugly sweathogs to shut your mouths and let the ladies see how a real man beats BVD in a Ladder Match and becomes the longest running champ in TNA history. This is a fairly by-the-book ladder match with virtually every spot involving a ladder in some way. BVD at one point takes a pretty sick looking spinebuster on to a ladder that leads me to notice shortly after that his elbow is starting to swell. Later he seems to blow a spot and get tangled up in a ladder, sickly twisting his leg in the wrong direction. This gives Roode the chance he needs to retrieve the belt. Champ Retains. Hell of a match tho. Easily the best ladder match I’ve seen this year. Match of the night for sure. 5 stars for making blown spots look deliberate.
Overall this was a pretty decent show where nearly everything that happened made sense, unlike on iMPACT. Except for not paying off Tessmachers win streak, putting the tag titles on a team that is not involved in the tag division, letting Devon squash two guys at once, giving a screwjob ending to the non feud between Hardy and Kenderson, and not letting Crimson actually not get a payoff match with Matt Morgan. Thankfully at least Abyss never showed up so we get to look forward to another month of that storyline. Huzzah!
Anyway...
That happened.
You can follow me on Twitter at @2hot2k, or send your questions or comments to 2hot@flawedcast.net
See you next week!!
Your Pal
2HoT
*PS: I got a letter!
From Bryan Van Alstyne:
I thought the show was as well wrestled as a PPV has been in a long time. AJ and Angle of course had a great match. Joe, Magnus, Kaz, and Daniels put together a really good match. RVD and Roode was pretty good for as predictable a match as there could be. Gail and Dat Assmacher had a shockingly solid woman's match. And even Crimson and EY as well as Devon and the Robbies wasn't horrendous. While Aries and Ray stole the show. With ALL that being said, I still didn't care about the show 5 minutes later. It really seems as if TNA is floundering with no "it" factor to anything right now. If all the company can be is a great wrestling show, that's fine but it's missing multiple elements to make it bigger. What do you think they need to add or subtract from the show to give it an added boost to a next level. I know they're not going to compete with WWE ratings, but there has to be a way to shrink that gap from whatever it is now.
DevilSoprano - co-host TV for Vendetta. Vendetta@flawedcast.net for all your television based questions as well as anything else entertainment you want to ask.
Dear DevilSoprano
Thanks for your question! While I completely disagree with your assessment of the quality of the pay per view, I do agree that it was completely forgettable five minutes later. I don’t know if you’ve been listening or not, but Bobby Roode IS the IT Factor of TNA. What else do you need? I think that Bobby does have the talent to actually build something around but the problem as I see is that he is the only one in the main event right now with any sort of enthusiasm. It’s really hard for a crowd to get in to a match when it feels like the wrestlers aren’t even in to it. That’s why the Knockouts division works so well. Those chicks bust their asses. But that’s not going to carry a show. What the show needs is some kind of face to actually make me believe he really wants the world title and isn’t just saying he does, or they need to create some truly monstrous heel and turn Bobby Roode face to battle him. That or they need to just shut down and let Roode and Aries go to the WWE where they belong. On the other hand, something that they could try would be to maybe bring in some kind of MMA badass to lend some kind of legitimacy to their “craft” They could have him squash a few people, then they could even work an angle where he attacks Hulk Hogan and mutilates his arm. You know, something to get him fired. Then they could bring in some sort of old school mouthpiece to do the talking for him. Maybe even play his lawyer or something. I’m pretty sure Bill Alphonso or Joel Gurtner would trade in their dish pan hands for another shot at the big time. That could get everyone interested again right? RIGHT?!?
Kisses,
Love 2Hot
Sacrifice is filmed before a jam packed aren...nope, still the iMPACT Zone.
Hey Fuckers!
It’s the network’s only TNA fan here with YOUR Sacrifice RECAP!!, Now, cue MY music!
-We open backstage where Earl Hebner goes in to the locker room of Ravishing Bobby Roode to collect his belt so that it can be suspended above the ring three hours from now. Bobby is not pleased about this situation. No he isn’t, not one bit.
-Video package shows a bunch of wrestlers doing their warm ups. I wonder what matches we’re going to have tonight. You’d think this would be a good time to say so, but nope, I guess it’s going to be a surprise.
-Lets get to some rasslin, shall we?
-In the ring, the World Tag Team Titles are on the line when Evil Foreigners Mangus and Samoan Joe take on 2/3rds of the KKK, Kazarian and Kristopher Daniels. Quite a long match here. It suffered from a shitty iMPACT audience who sat on their hands for most of the fight.
It was full of awkward timing issues and just felt really rough. The fact that stiff spots were landing all over the place made this match watchable however. The ending came when Joe was recovering on the outside and Kaz and Kris were able to double team Magnus if you know
what I mean. Anyway, challengers win so Kaz and Kris are YOUR NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! This was definitely the match of the night so far. 5 stars because making the faces chase always makes the booking better.
-A video package shows some scantily clad hooker dancing on a beach. It then shows her in the iMPACT Zone pinning the Knockouts Champ. Hey wait a minute, that’s no hooker, that’s Brook Tessmacher. Does that mean we get a Knockouts title fight? The slow pan on Christy Hemme can only mean one thing. It’s Knockouts World Title Match Time!! Knockouts Champ Gail Kim takes on challenger Big Brooke Tessmacher. I guess in honor of the Avengers movie, Brooke is dressed like a slutty Captain America. The match had lots of fast paced action to start, with the B-Train trying a few times unsuccessfully to steal Gail’s finisher. At one point Gail gets dumped to the outside and manages to land on her feet like some sort of ninja. Brooker T controls most of the action in this one, successfully landing both of her own moves
a number of times. She finally manages to land Gail’s finisher and gets rolled up and pinned for her trouble. Gail manages to sneak her feet on to the ropes for extra leverage. Big surprise there. Champ retains. This match was amazing. Be-Tizzle must have had to adjust her boobs at least twenty times. Woman’s Match of the Night for sure. 5 stars for poor wardrobe choices.
-Backstage Jeremy Borash interviews the new tag team champs but I didn’t bother to pay attention and you probably don’t care anyway.
-In the ring, It’s Television Championship Time! The Jersey Shore take on Reverend Brother Devon in a 3 Way (but not the good kind). As the combatants make their entrances, I am left to wonder how the powers that be in TNA know if anyone is actually over because everyone seems to get the same reaction from the crowd no matter how asinine their gimmick might be. This was your typical little guy versus slightly bigger guy versus slightly bigger guy match. The two Robbies obviously work together for most of the match till they suffer from an attack of “dissention in the ranks” which I think you can get from eating a bad umm, calzone? Is that Italian? Anyway, while the two are squabbling, Devon schoolboys the bigger Robbie for the pin and the smaller Robbie doesn’t do anything about it. Champ Retains. Thankfully this means we’ll get at least another month of RBD vs Jersey Shore matches. Fuuhgitabuutit! (Worst) Match of the Night. 5 Stars for I’m pretty sure this feud would play on a loop in hell.
-A 10 minute long video package reminds us that Ed Hardy and Mr Kenderson are feuding because there was nothing better for them to be doing. Well, at least they didn’t force them to be a tag team for more than a week. So I guess there’s that...
-In the ring Mr Kenderson takes on Ed Hardy in a “Doin it for the paycheque” Match. Hardy hugs and flashes his way to the ring like he’s on Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale. It’s a fairly textbook face vs drunk face match here. There was lots of battling on the outside which lead me to notice that the crowd around ringside looks like they made a lot of sacrifices to be here. Sacrifices like getting a decent education, accessing adequate dentistry, or showering. Taz at one point seems to criticize Kenderson for not using any sort of ring psychology but makes sure he tells us that he thinks that this is a solid and effective strategy. You can almost hear the director giving him shit in his earpiece. Out of nowhere, for no reason whatsoever, Earl Hebner decides to pull a Montreal Screwjob ending, counting three when Hardy clearly kicked out. Kenderson seems as confused by it as the rest of us. If this match actually mattered in any way, I might actually give a shit. But it doesn’t and I don’t. Until that point however, the match was as amazing as you’d expect. Probably the match of the night. 5 stars for callbacks.
-Backstage, Christy Hemme asks Triple A Austin Aries if he is intimidated by Bully Ray. He says that the short answer is no and then proceedes to spend 15 minutes explaining why. I’d hate to see what the long answer was.
-Joseph Park is in the audience and a “Joseph” chant actually get’s going. He’s upset that he didn’t actually get to see his brother Chris, you know, “Abyss” return last week, but he wouldn’t be surprised to see Abyss show up tonight since they’re the same person and everything...
-It’s Final Final Confrontation time, except this time there is a twist! Crimson comes out to the ring and reminds us that he’s still undefeated so he issued an open challenge to the guys in the back but everyone thinks he’s a douche so no one accepted. He get’s Brian Hebner to ring the bell and start counting. Before he completes the count, Knockouts tag champs EY and ODB come out and argue a bit about who should fight him. Finally cooler heads prevail and Eric Young gets the chance. Some fun spots in this one including EY doing a handstand enziguri. EY gets dominated throughout this one until Crimson decides to go after ODB. An enraged EY mounts a comeback and even hits a massive Savage top rope elbow before Crimson hits the Red Sky out of nowhere for the win. The undefeated streak is maintained and we have your match of the night! 5 Stars for finally letting EY let the pigeons loose!
-Backstage Jeremy Borash is interviewing Bully Ray about his match tonight with Triple A Austin Aries. He says he’s going to win because he is a veteran of every kind of war you can think of except actual war. Oh yeah, and Aries is a puny midget that doesn’t stand a chance.
-Who’s going to win? Let’s find out! Playboy Bully Ray takes on Triple A Austin Aries in a “Who’s the Bigger Bully” match. Textbook small man vs big man action here with Aries relying on momentum and speed before Bully remembers that he’s giant compared to Aries. Once he does he starts hitting power moves. At one point Aries goes for a top rope move and Ray kicks him in the head, knocking him to the outside. The crowd gives a holy shit chant even tho Aries more or less landed on his feet. I wonder what match they are watching. The two get really stiff with each other and exchange open hand slaps to the chest that actually draw blood on Aries. Bully goes for the steel chain and gets distracted by Joseph Park. This allows Aries to hit a string of offense that culminates with a brainbuster that only gets two. He then manages to slip out of some Bully offense and lock in the “Lastchancery” and Bubba is forced to tap. This was an incredibly hard-fought and highly entertaining match. It had just the right amount of outside interference and the right person won. All these factors add up to your Match of the Night! 5 Stars for Aries proving he can move beyond the X Division.
-We recap the AJ Styles/Kurt Angle storyline and remind us that 2/3’s of the KKK have pictures of Styles making out with the Boss. Backstage Borash decides to ask AJ about the photos. He says he doesn’t care about pictures. He cares about wrestling Kurt Angle. He does a good job of no-selling a month and a half of storyline and I could not be happier.
-Kurt Angle and AJ Styles match up in what Tenay and Taz call “A Purists Dream Match” and they’re right, since this is 2003. This match is pretty much exactly what you’d expect except slower since both are so old now. At one point Kurt even busts out the top rope moonsault for old time sake. And just like in the good old days, he misses by a mile. AJ counters with what I guess was supposed to be a springboard 450 splash but he only got 3/4ths of the way around and slammed, ass first in to Kurt’s chest. I bet that smarted. The other 2/3rds of the KKK come out to distract AJ. He gets hit with an Angle Slam for his trouble which he kicks out of before getting caught right away in an Angle Lock, because Kurt is obsessed with making him tap. Kaz and Kristopher try to go after AJ but Kurt chases them off in a show of mutual respect. This really was an outstanding match that really just makes me wish it had happened in their prime. Match of the Night. 5 Stars for realz yo!
- Since Slamiversary is coming soon, we get a video package of Kurt Angle not putting people over.
- Finally, it’s MAIN EVENT LADDER MATCH TIME!! According to TNA’s deeply scientific facebook poll, 76 percent of people think that BVD will win the World Championship tonight. Which just proves how right Ric Flair was the other week when he asserted that fans are idiots.
Ravishing Bobby Roode meets with Jeremy Borash backstage and tells all you fat ugly sweathogs to shut your mouths and let the ladies see how a real man beats BVD in a Ladder Match and becomes the longest running champ in TNA history. This is a fairly by-the-book ladder match with virtually every spot involving a ladder in some way. BVD at one point takes a pretty sick looking spinebuster on to a ladder that leads me to notice shortly after that his elbow is starting to swell. Later he seems to blow a spot and get tangled up in a ladder, sickly twisting his leg in the wrong direction. This gives Roode the chance he needs to retrieve the belt. Champ Retains. Hell of a match tho. Easily the best ladder match I’ve seen this year. Match of the night for sure. 5 stars for making blown spots look deliberate.
Overall this was a pretty decent show where nearly everything that happened made sense, unlike on iMPACT. Except for not paying off Tessmachers win streak, putting the tag titles on a team that is not involved in the tag division, letting Devon squash two guys at once, giving a screwjob ending to the non feud between Hardy and Kenderson, and not letting Crimson actually not get a payoff match with Matt Morgan. Thankfully at least Abyss never showed up so we get to look forward to another month of that storyline. Huzzah!
Anyway...
That happened.
You can follow me on Twitter at @2hot2k, or send your questions or comments to 2hot@flawedcast.net
See you next week!!
Your Pal
2HoT
*PS: I got a letter!
From Bryan Van Alstyne:
I thought the show was as well wrestled as a PPV has been in a long time. AJ and Angle of course had a great match. Joe, Magnus, Kaz, and Daniels put together a really good match. RVD and Roode was pretty good for as predictable a match as there could be. Gail and Dat Assmacher had a shockingly solid woman's match. And even Crimson and EY as well as Devon and the Robbies wasn't horrendous. While Aries and Ray stole the show. With ALL that being said, I still didn't care about the show 5 minutes later. It really seems as if TNA is floundering with no "it" factor to anything right now. If all the company can be is a great wrestling show, that's fine but it's missing multiple elements to make it bigger. What do you think they need to add or subtract from the show to give it an added boost to a next level. I know they're not going to compete with WWE ratings, but there has to be a way to shrink that gap from whatever it is now.
DevilSoprano - co-host TV for Vendetta. Vendetta@flawedcast.net for all your television based questions as well as anything else entertainment you want to ask.
Dear DevilSoprano
Thanks for your question! While I completely disagree with your assessment of the quality of the pay per view, I do agree that it was completely forgettable five minutes later. I don’t know if you’ve been listening or not, but Bobby Roode IS the IT Factor of TNA. What else do you need? I think that Bobby does have the talent to actually build something around but the problem as I see is that he is the only one in the main event right now with any sort of enthusiasm. It’s really hard for a crowd to get in to a match when it feels like the wrestlers aren’t even in to it. That’s why the Knockouts division works so well. Those chicks bust their asses. But that’s not going to carry a show. What the show needs is some kind of face to actually make me believe he really wants the world title and isn’t just saying he does, or they need to create some truly monstrous heel and turn Bobby Roode face to battle him. That or they need to just shut down and let Roode and Aries go to the WWE where they belong. On the other hand, something that they could try would be to maybe bring in some kind of MMA badass to lend some kind of legitimacy to their “craft” They could have him squash a few people, then they could even work an angle where he attacks Hulk Hogan and mutilates his arm. You know, something to get him fired. Then they could bring in some sort of old school mouthpiece to do the talking for him. Maybe even play his lawyer or something. I’m pretty sure Bill Alphonso or Joel Gurtner would trade in their dish pan hands for another shot at the big time. That could get everyone interested again right? RIGHT?!?
Kisses,
Love 2Hot
0 comments:
Post a Comment