Northern Reflections - 84th Academy Awards

Awards season officially wrapped up last night with the 84th Academy Awards. Or “Oscars,” as they’re occasionally called. Maybe the event is the Academy Awards and the statues are Oscars. I honestly don’t know, and frankly, I’m too hungover to care. The show was long and dull, just like most of the movies that won awards, I assume. I’m pretty sure the only thing I saw that was nominated for anything was Moneyball.

Given that there are no more awards shows for me to make fun of, I’m taking suggestions for future blog topics. Doesn’t have to be Twitter-related. Just let me know if you want me to spout off on something, and I’ll likely oblige.

Without further ado, accompanied by a bottle of wine and a few beers, here’s what I saw.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Anyone up for a live tweet of the #Oscars? It promises to be self-congratulatory! (The Oscars, not the tweeting.) (But also the tweeting.)

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
By surprisingly popular demand, the #Oscars, as seen by progressively drunker me. #LetsDoThis

13h Jennifer Solomon ‏ @mightyerf
Holy shit, those were Cameron Diaz's nipples...it must be cold! #Oscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@mightyerf I knew I tuned in too late.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
As always, @tomhanks is a class act. Is there a nicer guy in Hollywood?

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Brian Grazer always looks like he just got electrocuted, and it's not just the hair.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Chris Rock is supporting Eddie Murphy with his Buckwheat hair.

Jennifer Solomon ‏ @mightyerf
Hey @psychofish77 you need a hashtag!

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@mightyerf DO NOT NEED~!

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
. @mightyerf is right. I need a hashtag. #phoscars will do. Although I can already see myself asking what P Hoscars means tomorrow.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Morgan Freeman should start every broadcast. Not just of the Oscars. Of everything. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
18-24? More like 12-15. Nice try, Bieber. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Oh, Tintin. I was wondering why Ed Grimley was making an appearance. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Ninth time hosting, first time since the 80s. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Just me, or is the audio way off? I'm getting a lot of feedback and echoes. #phoscars

Jennifer Solomon ‏ @mightyerf
@psychofish77 It's you. :-)

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@mightyerf Stoopid wine

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
These songs were better when not every movie was nominated for best picture. #phoscars

13h Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Poor skinny Jonah Hill #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@psychofish77 Poor poor skinny Jonah Hill #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
A seat-filler segment? In a show that's guaranteed to run long? Bad idea. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Hugo wins the first award for "movie I didn't see". This will be a popular award tonight. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Hugo wins another award, making it the first-ever recipient of back-to-back awards I was too busy tweeting about to know what they were for

Flawedcast ‏ @flawedcast
If #Hugo wins all night I'm going to kill myself...

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@flawedcast They thought they were giving awards to Adele for "Huge"

12h Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@psychofish77 Did you see Adele chase Indiana Jones?

11h Beer Baron ‏ @BeerBaron4life
@fsolomon75 @psychofish77 "That's no moon." -Obi Wan talking about Adele

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Not a good idea to run a 21 Jumpstreet commercial during the #phoscars. Makes everyone look bad (who was involved in 21 Jumpstreet).

12h Jennifer Solomon ‏ @mightyerf
@psychofish77 Except the guy that's in it and nominated for an Oscar tonight, right?

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@mightyerf No, that makes him look even worse. Movies like that should be beneath him. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The show will run long. Stop filling. This is WWE calibre for video packages so far. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Nothing proves you're a lady like "looseness". #phoscars Costume design being awarded. It won't go to Thor, but it should.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Someone won for something. I wasn't paying attention because I don't care. #phoscars I'd get fired if this was my job.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Costume guy is from Niagara Falls. That's like 20 minutes from here. I still don't care. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The makeup award is up now. Harry Potter could win. That'd be fine. "Looks exactly like Meryl Streep" shouldn't win. But it did. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Really? SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MERYL STREEP~! #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Tom Cruise looks pretend. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Is Vince McMahon producing this? Any minute we'll start getting "Minutes ago" video packages. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Bullock out to intro foreign language film...in German. Canada should win. Because it's Canada, and we're everyone's buddy. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Stupid Iran. First the oil, then the Oscar. What's next, the unobtanium? #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
Iran won an award in a town run by my people. OK then. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Bale out to award Best Supporting Actress. My wife is surprised yet again that he has an accent. Gets her every time. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Why is Adrien Brody nominated here? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
McCarthy loses to... #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
...the chick from The Help who won the Golden Globe. No surprise. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The crowd is wearing its Standing O Face. Not sure why. Didn't see the movie. Won't see the movie. Spielberg gets thanks. Why not? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Why would people start talking about The Artist tomorrow? #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
Waldorf and Statler should be in the balcony instead. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@fsolomon75 I'd watch the Muppet-cast of this thing in a heartbeat.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The Muppets got hosed. They should have been able to perform for Best Song. And they should win the Feel-Good Movie Oscar. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Yeah, Vince is involved. This is pointless and terrible. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I blame Billy Crystal personally for wasting my time. Then I blame mt TV for showing it. Then I blame Hollywood. I'm blameless. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
We're watching an extended Best Editing nominee segment? Irony is key here. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Okay guys. You're editors. Staqrt cutting words...Nice work. #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
I really wish Eddie didn't drop out. This is brutal. #phoscars

12h Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Sound editing is a thing now? COME ON. Remember the Grammys, where they didn't even televise the important awards? #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@psychofish77 Yeah they should edit these out. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Sound Mixing? I think Tina Fey's making up awards so she doesn't have to get off the stage. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The crying guy and the annoyed British guy make a great sound editing team. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Remember when the Muppets sounded like the Muppets? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Cirque du...ANOTHER FUCKING "WHY I LIKE MOVIES PACKAGE"? #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
I miss Frank Oz. RT @psychofish77: Remember when the Muppets sounded like the Muppets? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
You know what would be better than this? Harrison Ford presenting an award for anything. Or anyone else doing that. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I hate when I go to a movie and some bitch stands on my head. #phoscars

Taryn Cooper ‏ @TarynItUpNY
one soiled.“@fsolomon75: I miss Frank Oz. RT @psychofish77: Remember when the Muppets sounded like the Muppets? #phoscars”

12h Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@TarynItUpNY One hat. Black.

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
Fixed RT @psychofish77: You know what would be better than this? Harrison Ford. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Stark and Pepper out with a bad bit to present Documentary. Stark saying "Boring!" was meta, though. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
A documentary won. The makers are 100% more exciting than their film, and I still don't care. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
PLAYED OFF~! #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Chris Rock is funny. Not as controversial as he's trying to be, but funny. Like cute funny. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Here are the nominees for the category Chris Rock just shit all over. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
No Pixar? Then give it to Lizard Depp. I didn't see Rango, but I will. Looks fun. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Jonah Hill has a 0.0001% chance of winning an Oscar tonight. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Only those who saw Bridesmades will get this joke. And they've grown sick of it. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
For once, I agree with Still. Just get on with it. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Visual Effects. Let's throw Marvel some love. Thor, Cap -- give a great movie an award. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
When I said "Still" a minute ago, that was my nickname for Ben Stiller. We're just that close. Also, I autocorrected myself. #phoscars
 

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Adele wins the Visual Effects Oscar for Huge. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The lady who swore last year got to come back to give an Oscar to not Jonah Hill. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Nick Nolte looks like a fatter Santa Claus. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The BSA goes to Christopher Plummer. First win at 82. Congrats. Sincerely. #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
That's two actors from Dragnet w Oscars. Meanwhile, Ackroyd is selling wine at Walmart. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Okay, play him off. Crystal has another inane skit to get through. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Oh good. Another Whitney Houston tribute coming up. Can't wait. #phoscars

11h Beer Baron ‏ @BeerBaron4life
But a 100% chance to destroying the buffet. RT“@psychofish77: Jonah Hill has a 0.0001% chance of winning an Oscar tonight. #phoscars”

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@BeerBaron4life But he's skinny Jonah Hill now. That's just cruel. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Luckily, I paused it earlier, so I got to skip some of Crystal's mindreading bit. Why is there a dog? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
When will President Oscar get that no one gives a shit what he has to say? #phoscars

Norm Macdonald ‏ @normmacdonald
you put a dog in a seat so you could do that joke? Animal cruelty.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@normmacdonald In that humans are animals, yes.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Original Score. Is this the one where the Muppets can win? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The Muppets didn't win. It's possible that they weren't nominated, but still, it's a travesty. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Will Ferrell and Zack Galafinakis. I'd watch that movie. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
MUPPETS~! #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
GIVE THE FUCKING AWARD TO THE FUCKING MUPPETS~! #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
MUPPETS WIN~! MUPPETS WIN~! MUPPETS WIN~! #phoscars Also, Bret from Flight of the Conchords. Awesome.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Bret classes it up by thanking Jim Henson. Stupid dusty living room. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Jolie out to announce Writer. She looks terrible. I haven't seen any of these movies. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Except Moneyball, which was excellent. I really liked it. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Skeletal is in this year. #phoscars

Flawedcast ‏ @flawedcast
That title would be totally different with some punctuation. Tinker Taylor: Soldier/Spy

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
So this is...Screenplay? Sure. That's different than Writer. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Woody Allan is too busy sleeping with a child to accept his award. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Hey, Sasha Baron Cohen got to appear. Not as a ridiculous character, just as...wait... #phoscars

11h Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
A Dodgers joke for @BeerBaron4life #phoscars

11h Beer Baron ‏ @BeerBaron4life
@fsolomon75 really? Not watching, recording it. I'm in class.

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@BeerBaron4life A cheap throwaway joke, kinda like the whole telecast. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I think Angelina Jolie is just trying really hard to look skinny next to her nex kid's tribe. #phoscars

Flawedcast ‏ @flawedcast
How many Muppets are gonna be on this show? First there was Kermit Piggy and then the girl from Dr. Teeth and Electric Mayhem just presented

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@flawedcast Janice. Her name is Janice. Show some respect.

Flawedcast ‏ @flawedcast
@psychofish77 When did she hook up with Brad Pitt?

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@flawedcast Post-Aniston, pre-Wasplady

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
They're making some good dick jokes as they relate to short films. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
As it happens, this is @natecorbitt's favourite category. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I ate some really hot Thai food and got pho scars #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
So is this. RT @psychofish77: As it happens, this is @natecorbitt's favourite category. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Best Animated Short now. I'm guessing it goes to Pixar. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
"A Morning Stroll" is the dubstep of short animated films. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
This acceptance speech would be far more entertaining if it were the film makers who were short and animated. #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
So far, Oscar has rewarded Iran, Pakistan, and kid fuckers. Good on ya, Hollywood. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I could get behind giving that guy who played Ghandi a lifetime achievement award. Ben Kingsley. Who gets that one this year? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Ghandi? Gandhi? Fuck people with oddly spelled names. Mahatma JerMichael. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Is "Excellence In Directing" the same as "Best Director"? I really hope not. We need fewer awards. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Here's the thing: there are movies and there are films. I like movies. Fuck high art. It's not "important". #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Also, fuck Meryl Streep. Fuck her in the ass. JESUS CHRIST~! WHAT HAPPENED TO MARIA SHRIVER? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Oprah gets an Oscar? She was in one movie 25 years ago. James Earl Jones can have all the Oscars he wants. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Is it racist that I have no idea who the white guy who got an oscar with Oprah and James Earl Jones is? #phoscars

Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
Oprah got an Oscar? Wasn't she just nominated for Precious? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Nice of Crystal to wear a tux for this segment. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Still sad about Leslie Nielson. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Also, Phil Hartman. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
So many sound mixers I'll never get a chance to ignore during acceptance speeches. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Was I typing when they showed Whitney, or does she get her own segment on this show too? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Portman gets to decide who Best Actor is. Not sure I trust her judgment after she did the Prequels. #phoscars

10h Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@psychofish77 Those never happened

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I like that a guy as cool as Clooney could legit win a Best Actor award. #phoscars (Fuck the Artist)

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Gary Oldman has never been nominated for an Oscar? That speaks to how out of touch these awards are. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Sure. Give the Actor award to the guy from "The Actor". Real original, jackasses. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Ugh. We have to listen to that jackass next year now too. Poor Lead Actress. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Actress has to go to Michelle Williams for Marilyn, right? Also, How much does it suck that Ledger never got to play Cobain? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Okay, PHers, next PH Movie Pitch draft, I call Ledger as Cobain in a biopic. #phoscars

10h Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@psychofish77 Gator's casting Lincoln as Cobain. Calling it now.

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I've stayed up awfully late and consumed an awful lot of alcolhol for a show I don't care about. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Meryl Streep might be able to act, but fuck her winning the makeup category. That was ass. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Also, parts of Canada saying "Why her?", Meryl. Mainly my parts. #phoscars

10h Fred Solomon ‏ @fsolomon75
@psychofish77 TMI

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Not to ignore Meryl's speech, but I'm going to give live tweeting the NHL #TradeDeadline a shot while I'm working tomorrow #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Wait...Tom Cruise because his movie won Best Film last year? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Can Tom Cruise win for his portrayal as Woody from Toy Story? #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Madame Tussaud should be commended for adding animatronics to her repertoire. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
The Artist wins. Both people who saw it feel vindicated. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Hacky going for "no one saw it", but come on. NO ONE SAW IT. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Normally, I'm defending the Globes as the show of the people at this point, but it sucked too. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
And that's the show. Apart from it being a truly weak year for movies, in that I saw maybe two that were nominated for anything... #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
...the show was terrible. Far too many skits, none of which were good. The Cirque thing wasn't even entertaining... #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I think I'm done with this awards show bullshit for a while. I hope there aren't any coming up anytime soon. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
You can't base awards solely on box office, because then Twilight and Jack and Jill would win awards, but there has to be a way...#phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
...to reward excellence in popular filmmaking. "ART~!" shouldn't win because it's seeminglt important if it's not entertaining. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
Also, I'm still bitter about Forrest Gump. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
I'd like to thank everyone in my @Connect dealie who wants to hire me to tweet for you, but I do it for love. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
So, my #phoscars tweets will show up on PH at some point tomorrow. For my 7 actual followers and 43 pornbot followers...

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
...what do you want to see bloggified by me? I take direction fairly well. Is Blog On Demandf an thing yet? This could work. #phoscars

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
@coryharris I think everything that wins Oscars is stuffy and pretentious. But I also really don't care very much.

coryharris ‏ @coryharris
@psychofish77 The Artist is fun, despite what you may think. It's not stuffy or pretentious by any means; perhaps a lil melodramatic but fun

Michael Hodge ‏ @psychofish77
#phoscars Don't forget to tune in for #phTradeDeadline tomorrow. Goodnight, psychophants.