Kevin Kelly and Nigel McGuiness are in the ring,
they are still in Du Burns Arena in Baltimore and NO ONE is leaving until they
get the whole thing RIGHT! It’s been three weeks people, we are not
kidding. Young Wolves Rising, that’s
what they’re calling the Richards/O’Reily vs. Edwards/Cole match. Kind of sounds like a gay porn title there
guys. TONIGHT! Our main event
is………cancelled. It was supposed to be
Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Team vs. The Young Bucks but Shelton is suspended
because he does not feel $5000 is a fair price to pay for hitting a Briscoe
with a chair. So what are we going to do
tonight? Main event handshake? Main event debate? Main event promo? No wait, this is not WWE.
And……here comes Charlie Haas. I’ll bet he has things to say! Charlie Haas calls Mark Briscoe a
dumbass. Evidently if you hold a chair
up, the Briscoe’s can’t help but run into it.
Interesting. Like moths to a
flame so are the Briscoes heads to a chair.
He calls out the Briscoes, and I think you can see where THIS is
going. Charlie wants a match between
either the one that can’t shut up, or the one that is too dumb to talk. I believe he will get what he wants. Haas gets Mark Briscoe tonight, and Jay gets
handcuffed to the ringpost. That sounds
like a poor plan.
Jimmy Cornette comes out and knows Shelton is in
Houston because he was Skyping with him.
Something you want to tell us Jimmy?
Jimmy has the sense to realize that this is a bad set up, but once again
reassures us that Shelton IS in Houston.
For real. Cause there is no way
you can fake that.
Up next, KEVIN STEEN!
Commercial time – Team Ambition (that is what they
are calling Davey and Kyle. Wow). Face Eddie and Adam. Eddie and Adam are not the best promo guys in
the world.
KEVIN STEEN vs. ANDY “RIGHT LEG” RIDGE
Another recap of Steen killing Mondo and Taven
last week. Steve Corino is out on
commentary because he is an expert on the elusive Kevin Steen. I hope he goes all croc hunter and tries to
find his cloacae and then Steen stabs him through the heart. I don’t like young Mr. Ridge’s chances
here. Steen hits a fallaway slam on the
outside throwing Ridge right into the barricade. Ouch.
Then KILLS him with a powerbomb on the apron. Fucking OUCH!
F-6 ends it. Steen pretty much
killed this kid. Of course Steen isn’t
done after the bell. He sets Ridge up
for a package piledriver, Corino heads to the ring to stop him. Jimmy Jacobs heads to the ring as well and
brawls with Steen. Jimmy Jacobs really
looks like a pretty boy. Jacobs calls
himself an evil man. I don’t know what
he has done to be evil, someone fill me in.
Commercials!
Veda Scott talks to Davey and Kyle. Davey is not very good at promos either. So we have four guys in the ring who can
wrestle, but none of them can talk all that well. I guess that is good, that means they will
never be in the WWE.
EDDIE EDWARDS & ADAM COLE vs. MATT TAVEN
& MIKE MONDO
Evidently Taven is a replacement for Mondo’s
normal partner, but I have no idea who that is.
Gee, two guys who had a match last week are teaming this week. What could go wrong? Taven and Mondo get more offense in than I
figured they would. I am still not sold
on Mondo. Miscommunication between Taven
and Mondo lets Cole hit a bridging German on Taven for the win. Decent match.
Mondo is not happy with Taven, slaps him after the match and PLANTS him
with a DDT. TAVEN AND MONDO EXPLODE!
Inside ROH
-Truth Martini cancelled the payment on the check
the Briscoes stole. Ok. Did this really need to be explained
further? I guess they are going to push
Elgin and Strong as more than just one off contenders to the tag titles. That is fine with me. Truth says there is a big difference between
truth and facts. Are there? Not so sure about that.
- Briscoes vs. Bucks at the 10th
Anniversary show. The Bucks think they
are going to win the titles. I think
Matt called them Chicken fuckers. Then
he called them dorks and dweebs.
Ooooohhh scary!
-Jay Lethal defends against Tomasso Ciampa. But first, next week Lethal challenges Richards. Lethal is looking forward to the match,
becoming the first guy to hold both titles.
Lethal wants Ciampa’s title……of undefeated male. Lethal also claims he is not going to get
dominated by Ciampa. What is going on in
ROH tonight?
-The Embassy talks. Ciampa wants the title. Ciampa sounds like the Batman. It’s not a flattering comparison.
-Maria and Bennett are out, Bennett will face
Lance Storm at the Florida show. Uh,
when was the last time Lance wrestled?
Someone said he wrestled recently and looked good, I’ll take their word
for it.
Commercials! – local commercial for the Acme
Dating company. No lie. I guess we have reached the point where
people looking to date now have never seen Road Runner and knows Acme products
are crap.
Also a local commercial for King’s Auto that
sounds like it is voiced by Prince Nana, only not as good. Gotta love local commercials.
CHARLIE HAAS vs. MARK BRISCOE
MAIN EVENT TIME!
Jay is handcuffed to the ringpost.
I am sure that will not come into play later or anything. Good match between the two of them, they
brawl a lot, Briscoe is better than I thought at wrestling. Haas kills him with a German suplex but can’t
keep him down. Briscoe unleashes REDNECK
KUNG FU! Then hits the FROGGIE-BO! But can’t keep him down. Haas recovers and goes for an Olympic Slam,
Briscoe escapes and gets a roll up for a three.
Haas is not pleased and attacks Briscoe and steals the key from the
referee. Uh huh. Haas gets a chair and CRACKS Mark while Jay
looks on helplessly. Or, he just held up
the chair and Mark ran into it, depending on your point of view. That is going to cost Haas five grand. But wait, what is Haas doing? He heads to the announcers and pulls out an
envelope……..that’s $10,000! Five grand
for Shelton, Five for what he did tonight!
Where did he get the money? DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNNN!
Next Week!
Davey Richards vs. Jay Lethal!
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